From Loneliness to Connection

She walked into my clinic with bloodshot eyes and a furrowed forehead. As soon as she sat down, she expressed worries about her newly diagnosed lung cancer – it was a stage three cancer, and she would need intensive chemotherapy in the upcoming months.  Undoubtedly it was a significant blow as she had just turned 45 and enjoyed a stable career as a marketing manager.

Though she came not only because of her cancer. She was devasted when she broke the bad news to her husband and teenage son who showed minimal reactions. Her husband remarked, “I’ve told you before, vaping is just as bad as smoking”. She chose not to tell her parents, both of whom suffered from chronic health issues. She felt alone.

She had been advised to step down from work to focus on her treatments. Her husband bluntly stated, “You don’t have a choice anyways”. The cold remark shattered her heart, and the resentment towards her 14-year of marriage consumed her thoughts and energy, pushing her to fall into depression.

During the course of her chemotherapy, despite remaining ambivalent about her physical recovery, she engaged in psychological interventions to explore her emotional struggles and needs. She realized that her illness revealed the unmet expectations she had for her husband and highlighted long-standing communication issues in their marriage. Her husband, who believed she had primarily focused on work and parenting in past years, also had the opportunity to express his loneliness, isolation and the disappointment at the perceived lack of reciprocation.

It might have been awkward when both were invited to my clinic and talked about their underlying loneliness, but when she said to him “Thank you for coming here today for me”, her husband held her hand, and they shared a moment of understanding and connection as they smiled at each other.

By Dr. Germaine Fung 馮靜雯博士